I Walked On The Moon

I Walkd on the Moon is a TV special by Brian Regan that was released for TV and Youtube in the mid 2000's.

Synapsis
In the show, Regan started out with a joke about how the audience's welcoming him to the stage is really nice, and that "That's all the time I needed to fill!". He then talked about how he got sick. He told that he was looking at the phone, and was like "How do I do this?".

Basic Word-By-Word Playthrough
(clapping straight for 15-20 seconds)

Thanks man. Thanks. (walks to middle of stage) Wow. Thanks!

(looks around) Thanks. (clapping starts to die down) Wow. Thanks. (Clapping reaches end of it's length) Wow, man. Wow, that was all the time I needed to fill! (crowd laughs)

No, but really. Thanks, man. That feels good. I needed that. Actually, earlier this week, I wasn't feeling so good. I had some stomach-virus-thing, and I needed to call an ambulance. It's weird, you know? You know, you call ambulances for other people. What are you supposed to say when calling one for yourself? 'Hey, could you come get me?' (Crowd laughs) 'Yeah, just come on in. I'll be lying on the floor.' (crowd laughs again) So, I decided to drive myself to the hospital. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Ah ha ha", "No, after you. I'm only imploding. Merge, everybody, merge." (crowd laughs)

So, I get to the hospital, and the first thing I realize? No valet parking. I wonder, is that not the biggest oversight in our solar system. (crowd laughs)

I mean, when you drop someone off at the emergancy room, you still want to go in with them. You can't just go, "Alright. You go in. Tell 'em you're shot!" (crowd laughs)

So, I get out, and go in, and they ask the most insulting questions.

"What seems to be the problem?" (says it in a deep voice)

'What seems'...Well, it seems that, everything on my insides, want to be on my outside. But I'm no doctor. (crowd laughs again)

"How would you rate your pain?"

Four stars. Two enthusiastic thumbs up. (crowd laughs)

"On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate it?"

Well, I got to thinking: I can't say a low number. Then they'll never come back.